Tag Archives: solitude

Come Back…

The clouds were somehow dancing relentlessly above my head. There were also a few spots where a crystal blue color was smiling hope. It was quiet. Too quiet. Too quiet for the shouting thoughts from my head.

I was alone. Too alone for an enormous world filled with so much life. And yet death awaits for me. Inevitable end with little care for my future.

On this island, my island, the present mingled with the past and with the de-ja vu of a shattered future.

My only treasures were the memories, the cracked reminders of my former self, the images of people I met, people I knew, I loved…

The picture of her…

Standing in the rain wearing a black dress and carrying around a rose-red umbrella. The city was all gray, lost in some sort of sad fog. Big raindrops were hitting the ground like meteorites on the surface of a barren planet. A universe without emotions…

And she was standing there waiting. But not for long. In a few seconds her image vanished. And I found myself once again stranded on a rocky island, too alone, too sick, too old and too late for a happy ending.

As I closed my eyes I whispered “Come back…”.

But she never returned…

[Inspired by the story of Dear Esther, which I replayed last night]

In the name of dark..

Cold. So cold you cannot move. So cold you cannot feel… your heart is frozen and its adaptability to the freezing sensation makes it a clueless organ.. useless.. untouchable.

It is winter.

You know.. the winter that repeats itself every year. Plainly cold.. windy.. with a scent of freshness but with a nuance of dirt.

The perfect mirror image for the human soul. These two.. winter and the human soul have the same mysterious essence.. fresh dirt.

It seems clean even if it is just filth.. sorrow.. pain.. grief.. greed.. selfishness..

It is wind outside. Just like sometimes it is wind in my head. And I start to scream and fucking break everything around me. But the wind doesn’t stop. Contrary to what I expect to happen.. it divides into sparkles of black magic and forms a dark tornado.

It is called my hatred. The devil’s hatred for those who dwell into their own inabilities. Lack of passion.. lack of direction.. lack of purpose.

They say you only die once.. while these fucking maggots swarm around and eat your eyeballs. But with a lack of perspective.. your eyes are already rotten.. nests for angelic worms.

Again.. winter. Time passes by.. lights fade away.. people forget. Only I.. remain captive into a coffin of sad memories. I breathe them.. I drink their blood.. I enjoy my pain.

Sadistically methods of keeping some alive.. some buried.. some close to me.. and some trapped away in an cloudy ocean of unhappiness.

Cold again.. with each second that crosses the domain of existence it seems to be colder and colder.

A tricky weather.. just like the puzzled mind of a serial killer. It waits for you to make a mistake in order to get your vitality. You become a victim of your own ilusions. You dream within dreaming.. you live within death. And after that you vanish.

Dark.

The night is dark but fragile. It can kill or give birth to emotion. Basically the most important ingredient in everything is emotion.

In the name of dark.. I command you to… feel.

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A Non-December Fact

It’s late December..and still warm enough for believing that this holiday season will be one of a kind. It rained this morning…when it should be snowing. The sky was filled with emotionless clouds that poured down their sorrows. Everything had this dark gray nuance that inspired nothing more than emptiness.

I never saw this face of December. So strange..unusual..static and inexpressive. Just like the moments of a great inner pain.

I lost memoirs…I’m kinda sick and I want changes upon my conditions. Besides…I lost myself again in the shadows of the sounds…