Category Archives: Essay

Come Back…

The clouds were somehow dancing relentlessly above my head. There were also a few spots where a crystal blue color was smiling hope. It was quiet. Too quiet. Too quiet for the shouting thoughts from my head.

I was alone. Too alone for an enormous world filled with so much life. And yet death awaits for me. Inevitable end with little care for my future.

On this island, my island, the present mingled with the past and with the de-ja vu of a shattered future.

My only treasures were the memories, the cracked reminders of my former self, the images of people I met, people I knew, I loved…

The picture of her…

Standing in the rain wearing a black dress and carrying around a rose-red umbrella. The city was all gray, lost in some sort of sad fog. Big raindrops were hitting the ground like meteorites on the surface of a barren planet. A universe without emotions…

And she was standing there waiting. But not for long. In a few seconds her image vanished. And I found myself once again stranded on a rocky island, too alone, too sick, too old and too late for a happy ending.

As I closed my eyes I whispered “Come back…”.

But she never returned…

[Inspired by the story of Dear Esther, which I replayed last night]

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Unhappy carousel

Afraid? Are you scared little girl? Do you tremble and cry? Don’t you know darkness is not your enemy? Don’t you know that the night isn’t that evil? Do you know when the Devil cries all angels die?

Perhaps not.. I really should begin to tell you the entire story.

Was in a cold day of autumn. That darkened color was present in the sky. Wind. Humidity. The smell of decaying leaves.. perfume of death. An intriguing, devastating, cute nuance of death.

Crows singing lullabies for dead children. Mothers crying over them..
Back then.. I used to hang out in the cemetery. It was like a ritual for me.. to breath in the silence from beyond the graves. To try to absorb the energies that were all around the graves.

But that one day seemed different. Had to be. Different in an exciting way. Different because that day I wasn’t alone in that part of the cemetery…

A dark figure.. a long black dress.. a slim-shaped body.. pale skin.. thin hands.. perfection!

Blue eyes like the ocean’s dancing waves. Dark.. long.. sparkly hair. And those red lips.. appearing fresh just like after a tasty blood-meal. In that moment I fell in love with a vampire…

Fascinated.. I couldn’t move. I was afraid this might be just a beautiful nightmare. It certainly was. She observed me and in an instant she dissapeared. My mind was blinded by this one single idea.. she was gone forever.

Like a spider-web.. each day the idea of her being gone grew and grew and decayed my mind.

This was happening about two centuries ago. I searched for her.. looked up for signs that she might be somewhere.. she was nowhere to be found.

Then.. the alteration began. Days turned into nights. Moonless nights that had nothing special but a vivid sad emptiness.

So.. tell me now.. if you start living in the dark.. and darkness will start living within you.. would you be afraid.. would you tremble little girl?